Poem: lonely at school

I feel lonely.

Surrounded by my classmates, rows of desks placed close together.

Physically close but distant from each other.

I look around.

There’s the class clown, he couldn’t give a damn.

Casually leaning back and chewing gym, surrounded by his clam.

He doesn’t worry about exams – why should he?

What’s the f*cking point in learning about geometry?

I look around.

Everyone in their cliques.

The Asians, the quiet ones, the nerds, the cool ones.

But what group are you in, huh?

You got a couple of pals, the ones you spend most time with.

But it doesn’t look like they give much of a sh*t.

Before each lesson you play the same game…

Hmm, where should I sit? With this guy or that guy?

Does it make a difference?

I’ll still feel lonely no matter the distance

Between me and them, them and me.

Whether we’re talking or silent, I feel a boundary.

Does everyone else feel this way?

Or is it just me?

How am I supposed to ask questions like that,

Without them thinking I’m crazy?

Judging me, rolling eyes, looking down on me.

Seeing me as the brown kid who isn’t rowdy,

He does his work proudly.

He’s innocent, naive, non-threatening.

Not the type who electrifies on the sports field,

Or sets trends with what he wears?

And girls? Ha, don’t even go there.

This dude couldn’t talk to a girl if he tried,

He’s too scared. That’s the truth there.

He still looks thirteen.

Short, skinny, glasses, no facial hair,

He’s turning seventeen! I’m not joking.

He is me. I am he.

Way back at school I felt lonely.

I didn’t fit in anywhere, I didn’t feel deserving.

Had I looked a little closer,

Maybe I’d realise I wasn’t the only one hurting.

– – – – –

Written by,

Jay

aka: the awkward brown guy, and AB Guy

✏ Sunday, 18th March 2018 @ 3.32pm

👀 Read more of my poetry here.